GoodNewsBulletin ONLINE

THE FATHER SPEAKS

Mahatma Gandhi, a famous man from India, recalls in his memoirs, how he once did wrong to his own father. Gandhi had been told by his father to take his watch to a watchmaker for repair. But instead Gandhi sold it in the street to get some money in order to buy sweets. At home again he told his father that he had lost the watch. In his memoirs, he recalls, how he began to suffer because he has lied to his father. He became very disturbed. Every time he met his father, he felt the pangs of his conscience. From day to day his anxiety grew and he lost all hope. Could he tell the whole truth to his father? How would his father react? Will he be expelled from home? He was in a desperate situation. Finally he could not bear it any longer. He went to his father and told him what wrong he had done. And what did his father do? His father embraced his naughty son and by his embracing him he forgave him. For Mahatma Gandhi, it was an experience so deep, that as an old man he still remembered it. He experienced becoming free from this burden; he experienced his father's love. He himself began to love his father in a new way.

Parents make often-similar experiences with their children. The children break a precious glass, or a picture and none of them would admit it. The parents know that their children did something wrong. Do they just keep silent? A child's relationship to his parents suffers a rift, a split. Also with their teen-agers it can happen. A girl leaves the home of her parents without telling it before. Her parents are terribly shocked. Suddenly after a while, the daughter comes home. Without giving an explanation, takes her place again at the dinner table, helps cleaning the rooms as before. Just behaves as nothing had happened. And the parents? They also do not ask. They even do not dare to ask for an explanation. They just leave the daughter join the family again. After all, the daughter is back again. Very often, families are at a loss. They do not investigate what had happened. They think that it is of no use. Of course, every mother or father does not make a trial out of every event in the family. But if the children are doing wrong, they have to talk with them. If they keep silent, it would mean that they leave them in their suffering. Their trespasses are present. And each time they talk to their parents, they will be reminded of their wrongdoings. They cannot talk to their parents as if nothing had happened. Sin is like a thorn in their body.

What should the parents do in such a situation? The Gospel of St. John in chapter 3:16 tells us how God deals with us. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him may not perish but may have eternal life." Indeed, "God did not send His Son to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him." God does not condemn the world. Passing judgment means to let somebody suffer till he is finished. God never does this. He does not condemn - He saves! To save does not mean to sweep it under the carpet. To save means to open the abscess, just as a doctor opens an ulcer to be able to heal the wound. To save means to pay attention to the wrongdoer- not in order to destroy him, but to show him the way to get free of his burden.

This experience is very important in the relationship of parents with their children. It awakens in the children the ability of becoming good friends. Wrongdoing is overcome by hiding it. It is overcome by talking about it.

St. John said something very frightening. "The light has come into the world, but people loved darkness rather than the light because their deeds were evil" (John 3:19). Forgiveness does not only occur in the Sacrament of Penance. Forgiveness also occurs between parents and their children. And when brothers and sisters dare to discuss their problems openly - say, the problem of inheritance - their relationship would improve; not only among themselves but also their friendship with God.